Cold Storage

Frankly, life has been pretty darned annoying lately. I’ve been needing a new handbag, but I can’t seem to find one that suits me. Not only that, but it’s dawned on me that I can no longer asphyxiate myself in the garage by running the car, since the damned hybrid doesn’t run unless it’s moving. Toyota really ought to point that out in their brochures.

So, I was flipping through The New Yorker this morning and found the answer. There is a new company called The Soul Storage Company that will remove your soul and keep it in cold storage in case you ever need it again. I think this is something like putting your furs in cold storage for the summer. I’m sure life would be much easier without having to drag your soul around with you all the time, and you could take it out for holidays and weddings if you needed to.

Just think, without a soul, you could eat veal, tell the United Way to get lost and drive a Hummer. I’ve been saving up for a boob job, but soul storage may actually be the better way to go.